* brain stucked *

i though i have been in a clam down mode because i have not seen my ex...
( i mean the recently one lah ) for about 3 weeks lidat...
i was like thinking " Whoaaa...this time i sure can start my new life liaw "

10 pm
he called me
he said : "i come find u now"
i was like : but..i just reach home wor"
he said : "i come ur house now"
i was like stoned liao 1234 seconds,then i answered "OKAY"

OMGnasilemakmotherf*ker..

what am i doing?
i should not been seing him..
i mean if i want totally rub him off from my mind lah

eenie minee minnie mooee..
finally he come
mother ask who izit outside my house..
i said : is him..
mother said : i tot u finish with him oledi?
im speechless...
"just yum cha mummy" i replied.

went inside his car..
those familiar smell went trough my nausal.
its my memory.
the smell that i was so close once upon a time.
sigh~

i didnt talk much really.
cause i dun know how to response.
my andrenaline or what they called nerve system is all blocked.
i cant even responses well when im looking at him.
he smiled at me.
i was like : "sei foh im so nervous"
WHY lidat wan? -.-

"u dun have anything to tell me?"
"no".i replied
actually i got many things wanna share with him.
but..im stucked.
so after makan,went back home.

guess what the f*king thing i did?
i HOLD his hand..
i am super numb now...
i really dont know why i responses like that
is like something hypno my mind
asking me to hold him.
he didnt swing away my hand, thank god.

then he stop his car near my house.
suppose to be like "chat a while before home"

but.
i dont know what to say really.
i just wanna stick with u a lil bit longer i guess.
u tell me that dis AWNVSJD girl like you..
i really didnt have much response really
to me...
im numb..
number than linkin park de numb...

you tell me that got a nice girl around you
i say "go chase bah"
ignore me pls.
he was like : wait longer a bit bah..you and me just..
i was stonned.
it was like you actually like someone but becoz of me...you?...
its my fault?
you dont like me liaw?

i swear that for this 12334 second
i feel like getting throw frm 23 floor..
die instantly.
im so innocent to think that if "maybe"
we could start all over again?
nope...

i realise that it was all illusion.